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Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"