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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
ROFL!!ā¦.. LOL jk iām still in my chair.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.