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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.