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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?