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If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.