Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?