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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.