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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.