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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?