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Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?