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My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?