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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?