Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.