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Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!