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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
I`m tired of things costing money
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.