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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.