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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Does the Food Network deliver?
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?