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Haters are my motivators(:
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.