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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.