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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject