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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.