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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Question everything...Or should you?