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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.