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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.