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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!