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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
drink beer ?? save water
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
is ready to have one too many!