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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.