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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.