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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.