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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
My number was 0...