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My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....