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Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.