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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Β΄s status message is better than yours
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, β€œMe? How?”
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
Ever wish the choice you made and the β€œright thing to do” were the same thing?