Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.