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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty