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Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.