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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.