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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.