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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.