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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.