Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
Have you hugged you bartender today.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.