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Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!