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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.