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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.