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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.