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I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
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