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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I walked briskly with scissors today. Iām pretty wild.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.