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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: Iām getting laid.....off.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.