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You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?