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Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
it`s friday o clock
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.