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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling