Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.