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I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.