Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.