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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I should come with a warning label.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.