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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.