Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..