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If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.