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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.