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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?