Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.