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Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.