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I like the part of the day when food happens.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.