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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.