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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.