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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.