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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.