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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
The best things in life require no pants.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
The older I get the better I used to be.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.