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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.